Once upon a time, when ebooks were first a thing, and the ability for readers to have a critical voice via reviews was new, I was optimistic. Cream will rise to the top, right? Traditional gatekeepers will be eschewed for the true voice of the reader.


You are so right, Tom Hardy. This is why one should never be optimistic or trust humanity, because people are terrible and stupid. Because this is the kind of crap you see: Books that come out and within days have hundreds of glowing, four- and five-star reviews. However do they do it?

In a tale as old as time, to paraphrase Beauty and the Beast, they buy them. Yup, packaged reviews. Go for it. My favorite bit is where they promise it won’t look sketchy. What do you think, Stitch?

stitch eyes

I feel ya. The cream is rising, only the cream is curdled and a lie. I don’t have words for how low, how cheap, how wrong this is. Just bribing their way around terrible writing and lack of any actual sales appeal.

But at least that’s as bad as it gets, right, Minion?

minion no

Crap. Posing as a fake Penguin employee? How stupid can people be? If you want to get sued and ridiculed on the internet, there are far easier ways to go about it. But, no, you have to do this. Again, words fail me, and I’m a writer. Words don’t fail me very often. Do you have anything to say, Captain Malcom Reynolds?


You too, huh? But the words I do have are unfit for a family blog (not that families read this, but whatever) (let’s take a moment and imagine the idyllic American family gathering in the evening to read this blog. No, stop crying).

Go back and sink to the bottom where you belong. Take it away, King Julian.

shut up



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